Most of us have experienced the loss of a loved one, especially as we get older. Perhaps you have lost many loved ones. We have that in common. By the time I had reached 42 years old, I had lost my mom and my dad, both of my brothers, my son, and my husband. I had learned from my parents that healing does happen, we just can’t predict when.
In the fall of 2019, I attended a workshop given by the amazing and gifted medium Maureen Hancock, who I am blessed to call my friend. The workshop was part messages and part meditation along with some other healing practices. There came a point when we were told to lay down and picture the color of each chakra as it entered the different areas of our bodies and swirled around. I had only ever heard of chakras and certainly had no clue what any of this meant, but I listened and relaxed and began to picture all that Maureen was saying. I saw yellow and blue and red and purple. Suddenly, I was focusing on the area of my heart and told to picture the green swirling ball of energy, but I COULD NOT SEE GREEN! I had no idea what this was all about. Suddenly, I could not see or even picture a color that I obviously knew. This wasn’t an odd request, to picture the color green. It wasn’t like she was asking me to think of magenta or some other color that could be thought of more than one way. Green was green. Sure there are different shades of green, but I could not see any of them! It was such an odd thing. After the event, I caught Maureen and told her what had happened. I asked her to please interpret this as I had no clue what chakras meant. She told me that green is the heart chakra and that I was unable to see it because my heart had been so badly hurt. It was closed off and needed to heal. I walked away from there wondering how healing would happen and how long it would take. It had been, after all, a few years since my last loss of a loved one had occurred.
Anyone that knows me knows that I do not dwell on the negative. I look ahead to the positive and I do what I can to be a kind human, a good mom and friend, and to enjoy my life to its fullest. So, I did not dwell. I chalked it up to an interesting experience and I went about my life.
Fast forward two and a half years. I am in a yoga class here at our wonderful studio with the amazing Traci Lapanna. My girls and I are attending and this is only my second ever yoga class of my life. At the end I am laying down again. She begins to speak of the chakras and colors. I just listen and try to do what I am told. At this point, the class with Maureen is tucked way back in my memory and not something I am recalling at this moment. Then, suddenly, I see green. It didn’t dawn on me at first what this meant, but it also didn’t take long either. I realized I was seeing green. I was taken back to that moment in 2019 when I couldn’t see the color because my heart needed time to heal, because I was so closed off protecting my heart from more hurt. Here I was now, seeing green! As it dawned on me that this was happening, I watched in awe this swirling ball of green traveling so happily around in my thoughts. This positive, wonderful energy was not only there, but celebrating! In that time, over those years, I could not possibly tell you the exact moment of when and how I healed. I am certain there is always more healing to do, more growth, more making ourselves better, calmer, more whole. I believe there was never an exact time really of healing, but more the sum of each moment that led to my heart being open and whole again. We are all on a journey. We do not know what is around every corner and we cannot possibly predict how we will handle the obstacles that we encounter. We can be sure of one thing, however. As we live our lives, as time goes by, we make choices. The choices you make, no matter how small, all will add up to your future. I have and will continue to spend my time and effort on becoming the best version of myself that I can be, the best mom, the best friend, the best partner, and just an all around good human. I will falter and have setbacks, such is life. I will also keep enjoying life more everyday knowing that we have a purpose. As we heal ourselves, we are fulfilling our greater good, to find the purpose for which we are intended. Green was an obstacle for me, opening my heart was not possible in the true way with which it should be opened, with freedom and calm and no fear of hurt, but only acceptance of lessons. I have healed to see my green and to open my heart. What obstacles are standing in front of you today? What will the sum of your choices be? Have hope and faith in time. We will all overcome what we never dreamed possible. Namaste.